i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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