therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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