went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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