There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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