Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
