My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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