To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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