Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
