Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
