doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
