Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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