Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
