whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
