so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
