I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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