I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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