Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
