id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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