dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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