I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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