the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
