A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
