Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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