It's Friday. Sex?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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