what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
