I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
