new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
