The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
