hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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