I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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