I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
