the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
