I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
