Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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