Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
