i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
