Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
