So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I cockslap morals
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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