sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
