do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
