hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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