ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
