What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
