is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
