There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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