I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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