what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
