you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
