I feel great
I just peed on a car
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
