im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
