my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
