I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
