I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
